Transcript:
Alright friends, how’s it going today? It is a solid 16 degrees here in Colorado, and yes that is in C because I am missing China like a mofo today. It seems that everywhere I go, I am seeing signs of China. I have these pin brooches that say “hao shi fa shen” which means good things are coming. And I want to wear them every single day because I miss China.
And I saw a poster for “shen yu” which is a ballet that I almost got to go see in Shanghai and is apparently coming to Denver. anyway, my heart aches for my previous home.
And as such, I started reflecting on all the growth that I created in those three years that I was there and from that place I realize that there are two kinds of changes that I noticed.
there were these tangible changes that are easily quantifiable and that I could explain to a five-year-old because you can see them and then there were a lot of intangible changes. the tangible things for example where some things like starting a business changes to my body composition as I’ve started CrossFit, hard skills courses created skills learned on things that I can explain now to people because of the skills that I learned
and then there are intangible things like emotional resilience. Deeper Self-knowledge. and so, I wanted to create an episode on these two kinds of results of changes that we can create in our lives and offer why you may want to change the way you see the process of evolution to include more of these intangibles.
so, like I said there are two kinds of results. Two kinds of things or goals that you can have in your life. the first kind is the obvious kind which is what I call a creation result. these are tangible super measurable facts real facts about things like amount of money that you have changes in your body composition with weight loss and muscle gain or whatever. the number of people in your social networks. books written books sold courses completed certifications obtained that kind of thing.
these are the kinds of results that we tend to get really focused on because they’re easy to measure. and I’m all for achieving the thing making it happen it’s so fun to see something that you worked so hard on come to fruition. and the amount of time that you spend in the joy or satisfaction of that creation unfortunately does not last very long.
like if you ever made a goal to lose weight for example so you tweak your nutrition you dial in your water your sleep maybe you start exercising more. and then one day you step on the scale and it says you’re going number and your like YEAHHHH I did it I’m so awesome I’m so proud.
and usually that excitement that high doesn’t last very long or maybe but it doesn’t even last if you would think. maybe you’re like well s*** how am I going to keep it off? or if your goal is to save 20K and you know you save and budget and sell homemade bow ties or online courses or whatever. You manifest it in until you get 20K in your account.
that amount is there you created it and you celebrate it you’re like yes, I’m amazing I’m grateful and abundant and then inevitably it goes back to okay well cool what’s next? I guess I’m going for 30k now. regardless of what it is the amount of dopamine we think we are going to get when we create the goal is never as long-lasting as we would like.
and then we kind of go back to our other base fine our emotional Baseline of the day-to-day thing and we start to you know think about what’s next for us? what’s the next thing that we want to create?
our emotional Baseline is created by the quality and intention of how we are giving ourselves credit for being results. which is the second kind of results. let me say that again. emotional Baseline is created by the quality and intention of how we give ourselves credit for the being results.
being results such as changes in day-to-day emotional state like feeling less anxious, more confident, walking naturally taller, having more ease, and smiling at people on the street. raising your hand more often and meetings may be speaking at a slower more intentional tone when you get angry. chuckling more often at the people who drive slower instead of getting pissed off. or something that I do frequently is when I noticed my road rage coming in, I make a funny explanation for them. like yeah, I probably just must go pee that’s why they cut me off.
these are states of being without a special lens or special attention tentacle undervalued or unnoticed. so, let’s say you have a goal of saving money. some examples of being results might be planning more intentionally for what you’ll spend. noticing when you want to spend money on something that you don’t really want. noticing when you feel icky when you do spend money and deciding to release that scarcity and shift into more gratitude for being able to pay for the thing.
feeling more comfortable accepting money for your services, or even being more open to receiving in general. being at compliments hugs gifts attention whatever. it all ties together. may be feeling more, he’s talking about finances with your partner. this is the general attitude around money versus the actual number in your bank account.
or if you’re training for a CrossFit or a fitness competition, your creation goal would be to beat your feet your personal overhead squat record, and you’re being results would be going to the gym, putting in your reps, getting you’re stretching and stabilization exercises, in recording your form, getting your ass coached to by the overhead squat champion. in your area it would be celebrating your progress being in the attitude of encouragement like that.
And yes, let’s do this thing! Have an attitude of commitment and patience as you take the steps necessary to BEAT your personal record. And these BEING results are ultimately at the end of the day, what create the CREATION Results. And they are what we spend 05% in. Not in the actual result of the creation, the tangible thing, but in the BEING. The way that you feel and carry yourself, your attitude towards your goal is what takes up 95 of our time.
So, with that in mind, I want to offer you some strategies to track and implement these being results so that you can celebrate them more and enjoy the process. Because if you are like me, when you hear the phrase “just enjoy the journey,” you are like… ok but what does that mean?
So, I’ve broken it down based on the results of being and creation that I have noticed in myself and the process I subconsciously take my clients thru
The first strategy is to identify three key actions that you need to take. Every goal requires that you DO things.
I am all for manifestation and shortcuts, but sorry all.. The universe doesn’t support laziness. You always must put in some sort of effort. Not always hustle but muscles are not grown by sitting on your ass, businesses are not built by watching Netflix and lovers are not found by snuggling only with your cat.
So… if you are CREATION goal is to increase your IG following, you could go to networking events, make connections in real life, and transfer them to your online space, you could host an online zoom meetup, go to a hashtag you love and engage with them, just ideas, but the point is you choose something you are going to do. Decide on it then focus on 3 key actions, that IF you took those actions consistently, would you get you the creation goal you desired.
So, after that, identify the VOLUME of those actions. This is the second one. How much more water do you need to drink to keep your hunger signals in check if you are trying to lose weight? How many minutes of meditation? How many times a week do you want to post? How much ice cream are you eating now and how can you level up in this arena?
This helps you quantify your BEING goals so that over time, you can look back on the data and see… OK I am making progress here. I used to eat ice cream 5x a week, now its 3. I used to spend 250 a week on dinners and takeout, now its 100. When I started this job, I only had 5 good connections, but now thanks you my efforts and coffee chats and meeting people, I genuinely feel like I have 20 people I can call on and collaborate with!
Those are creation results that may not necessarily be THE creation goal in and of itself, but they are other ways that you can see and track and measure progress so you can know that what you are doing IS working.
Track your daily emotional daily states. And guys, … I want to say that this one gets way underutilized. A lot of people think “I can’t track my emotional states, how to feel better or how to know if it is working or not.” But actually… you can!
And this one is so useful when looking at BEING goals because the emotions we experience on a day-to-day basis ARE our emotional setpoint.
So, I recommend starting with tracking your top 3 emotions every day for a week. Just write it down in a piece of paper. And this is going to give you a pretty good idea of your emotional setpoint. And when you do this, be as specific as possible. I’m talking about listing different flavors of happy, sad, anger, bitterness. Like happy, sad, angry, and annoyed are good places to start but also let’s be more specific!
The reason why is because each emotion is slightly different. There are six basic human emotions but there are over 300 flavors, I like to call them flavors of emotion. It’s crazy right? So, give yourself more time to pause and reflect and ask yourself… How am I feeling? Throughout the day.
Some examples of stress flavors, for example, would be anxious, worried, frantic, ruminating, panicked, itchy. Flavors of happy: joyous, exultant, exuberant, excited, elated, ecstatic, radiant and content.
Flavors of anger could be frustrated, outraged, annoyed, furious. You see the difference?
So, noticing this is going to give you really good information.
If you want to feel more confident and look back and say, “well I didn’t feel confident because I don’t have examples,” you will feel like a failure. But if you can look back and say… well my top emotion towards my body before was awful. And now I still feel awful but sometimes I feel OK. Sometimes I feel content.
Like if you don’t know that, then you are missing out on a chance to celebrate the changes you HAVE been making. It could be that you still feel self-conscious, but you are experiencing moments of compassion. When I get dressed up in the morning and think…. Damnnnn I look good. Friday, I went out and I was like flirting, walking around, on fire. But if all you think of is awful or confident, then there is no range to measure the emotional progress.
Getting granular and experimenting with these flavors can be useful. And writing this down is important and Id also highly recommend the app DAILIO. Which allows you to track your emotions, check in daily, then after a couple days you get a graph to see which emotions you are feeling on a regular basis.
And so, when you see that graph, you can remember and check in on your state, remembering that how you feel takes up 95% of your time in your creation goals, so it is worth monitoring and nurturing and paying attention to.
The 4th strategy is to measure your emotional bounce back rate. What do I mean by that? Let’s say you are writing a book and what to stop procrastinating writing. You have measured your emotional setpoint and see that on average, you are spending about 33% of your time feeling overwhelmed. And when you don’t meet your writing quota for the day, you beat yourself up and don’t end up writing something for 4 days…
Ok so you know your starting point of a bounce back rate of 4 days. So, a small change with a level-up worth celebrating is if you notice yourself procrastinating at day 3 instead of day 4. You catch yourself at 3 days then start writing again.
Another example of a level up is: OK I didn’t write yesterday…. Whatever I am just going to start again and move my fingers. This is a level up because you are breaking the brain-wiring that was previously in place, of not write something for 4 days, and procrastinating it. But it IS progress because instead, you broke the brain wiring.
As Dr. Joe Dispenza says, nerve cells that no longer fire together no longer wire together.
Which just means that to break a cycle, you must do something a tiny bit differently. Put some space between you and the old cycle, and that is enough. And why is this important because you are setting a big goal
You are trying to do something different. And learning new skills and new ways of being ALWAYS includes mistakes. But gaining 50 pounds does not happen by eating one bowl of ice cream.
It happens by eating an extra bowl, deciding to tell yourself a crappy story about your capabilities, stewing in shame and then returning to self-sabotage, so if you can bounce back faster, it means that you get back on track faster.
And when you get back on track faster, you feel more aligned and doing those 3 key actions that will ultimately get you your creation result.
You get back into writing your book which is ultimately what gets you to the book being written. And do not underestimate the value of a small change!
Because a small change means grace. It means compassion and that you change the way you talk to yourself. You change your way of being and your emotional setpoint. You change the way you feel on a day-to-day basis.
And guys,… it’s not worth achieving the goal if you still feel like crap after! That’s not the point. So, celebrate the small changes and celebrate them first by monitoring them. Then in strategy 5, do a daily evaluation.
I also use dAILIO app, you can use your journal too, but write it down. And write it down in the same place every single day so that you can look back and see the progress. So daily evaluation does not have to be super crazy, it can be simple.
And with small daily things, if you don’t notice them intentionally, then your brain is biologically wired to tell you that they don’t count because the creations result has not happened yet.
Your brain, and mine, all our brains, are wired for survival, not for being kind. And as such, they are constantly seeking lions and tigers and bears, for ways to keep us safe! It is so powerful, this brain of yours. It is an ally, so innocent, and so wired to look for the negative because what was negative back in the caveman days were things that could kill you.
So, you may want to consider that counteracting that negativity bias, yes it is a term, google it, you must fill your brain with additional positives, observations, and helpful facts.
So here is an evaluation I use in my business, workouts, foods, self-talk, all of it. cause I’m nerdy and you should be tool.
Question 1: what can I celebrate? What did I do right? Come up with 3 things, then breathe in that emotion.
Sometimes I write things and my brain tries to discount it. so that’s when you just say thanks…. I’m celebrating so step aside. You want to spend a bit of time FEELING a different emotion. You can feel a sense of relieve, a sense of pride, or amazingness, or something slight, it does not matter, just practice trying on this new emotion, accomplished. It all counts.
You want to start exercising the muscle of looking for positivities in your top 3 emotions, bounce back rates and progress that you are creating in your BEING goals.
Question 2: What didn’t work today? Choose 3, your brain might give you more or you may have 1. What is one thing that was tricky? This is not the chance to bag on yourself and talk shit. Let’s let judge Judy stay on channel 11 OK. Please and thank you.
What really happened? What is the truth? So, let’s say… ok you did a FB live and didn’t get as many people to watch it as you wanted, and I messed up and coughed and it was embarrassing..
Ok so let’s look at what really happened. We have some useful information! So, once we can get to the truth and have it been more neutral and not as dramatic, then we have a place to find solutions.
Ok so… I feel disappointed because people unsubscribed from my email list, angry because I got in a fight with my partner, I’m disappointed because it was scary, and I didn’t get the result I wanted.
Ok… so we have some emotional data here. We can look at what exactly is going on and how you can learn from it.
This is question 3: What will I take from this?
I’m feeling really tired these days…. I probably need a nap!
I’m feeling afraid to talk to my partner about xyz… OK, I could spend some time journaling tomorrow to get clear on the conversation.
I didn’t write as much today because I felt overwhelmed. Ok so tomorrow, I’m going to do a brain dump before I start writing so I can have a more clearheaded space to do my writing in.
Tomorrow, expect the nervousness, write down a rough plan then have your back.
Step 3 is all about solution mode, so we are taking a step forward every day.
There we go friends. To recap, the 5 ways to measure BEAING goals are
- Identify key actions
- Choose the volume of those actions
- Measure emotional flavors
- Monitor bounce back rates
- Do a daily evaluation
The whole purpose of measuring these things is to spend more time living in and loving the 95% of the time that you are not actually in the CREATION of the actual result. This is where the magic happens, where the brain changes and where baseline emotional states change
Its where you learn how to feel better, more badass, and how to figure out how. You want to be and move throughout life.