15. Cultivate Self-Confidence Before Being an Expert

Hello all! Intro: So nice to meet you, welcome to Coach Certification program. Today’s lesson is going to be amazing as we will be to talk about self-confidence. In my own coaching practice, I help type-a women use this unique skill to speak up and tell their husbands what they want. And in that, there are 3 key components to building self-confidence.

They are: Striving, Scientist and Success… Its future focused. We fast forward to the place where we have done it, deciding that HEY this is my life, this is what I am going to do, and I will live from curiosity and building the staircase to success one step at a time.

My future self as my northern star and constant guide, instead of living in the present and looking to the past (who we love and honor,( but looking to the wisdom of inevitability.

As we go along, I want you to ponder this question…What is a dream you have for your life you have not taken action on? And why?

  1. definition

I define self confidence as the willingness to feel any emotion.

  1. Based on the belief you create in your mind

It does not mean you have the skillset or capability to do it NOW, it does not mean you can do it Olympic Gold-Status, it just means that you TRUST yourself that you will create the result you desire, because you are willing to feel fear, disappointment, rejection, NO matter what, you will follow through and that every time you fail, you will learn from the experience, and experience all the emotions that come along for the ride, knowing that you’ll be ok because you have your own back.

An example from my own life: A couple years ago, I decided that I wanted to pick up and move to Shanghai, China. I had adesire to live abroad, and the opportunity presented itself.I had NO idea what I was doing or how I would learn how to live in this new country. But I did have the belief: I have no idea what is going to happen but I am going to figure it out.

I did not have confidence because I had lived abroad before, I had self-confidence because I had the belief in my mind that I could and would figure it out.

Self-confidence is not based on what skill sets you currently have, what results you created in the past, or what other people tell you are good at. Self-confidence is based on what you believe about your capacity fail, learn and feel. 

When this is the case then you can go into creating this magnificent life you create by STRIVING, becoming the SCIENTIST or enjoying your SUCCESS.

You go after it, you strive.

When you fail you feel the feelings. And then you examine it through a scientists lens to learn what worked.

And you do that over and over again until you get the result you desire, when you reach SUCCESS. 

When you have self-confidence, you will be willing to feel….. If you do not go after what you desire, it gives the illusory sense of control from these feelings. But its not real. We STILL experience those negative emotions, they just come failure ahead of time.

Really,. Think about it If you knew your success was inevitable and were willing to feel any negative emotion, how much would your life expand?

What is the worst emotion you can imagine having to experience?

Being willing to open to this begins the process of STRIVING. Allowing yourself to dream, commit, think of the impossible and GO for it…

Now… what happens when we try something and we dont get the result we want? We feel….. Disappointment. Rejection. Humiliation, fear, frustration. And the possibility of us experiencing these emotions if we don’t have self-confidence is enough to make most of us not even try.

By avoiding these emotions, you won’t take action, and then wont develop the experience so won’t give yourself the practice to build the belief that you cannot do something. And then, it becomes this viscous cycle where you don’t try because you dont want to experience the negative emotion, then dont build the skill of failing and learning. You become stuck in what you can currently do, and won’t be able to build things beyond your current capacity.

Powerful thoughts to try on in the striving phase: This is going to be hard and its important to me… I am a resilient badass feelings feeler. I am going to lean into the whole journey. I am becoming even more of a powerhouse when I am faced with the opportunity to choose the turbulence or the easy way out. I love me, even when I feel bad…

If your big goal is to hit that 100k mark in your business, and you were willing to feel embarrassment in your business… how much would you tell your networks about becoming a life coach? If you were willing for people to tell you “hey we dont think being a life coach is a real job…” I had family members tell me that, then what would you give up? 

If you take action and fail, you will feel ….. But if you have self-confidence, its like YES I could feel fear but Im willing, bring it the heck on, it is just a vibration. And then… you will actually do the thing which makes you MUCH more likely to succeed b/c you’ll take the actions required to get the result. 

I did not speak Chinese. I had no idea what it was like to live in a huge city. Or even order food or pay for stuff with my phone, which is how they do it over there. If I would have decided to believe that it was too hard b/c I never did it before, I would have never even tried to live out that dream. The future-focused nature of self confidence means that it no longer matters if you have done something in the past, if you’ll fail, or if it will be hard. It means that your TRUST that you’ll get what you want is placed in YOU, which is so powerful. 

And when you have self-confidence because you believe you can do something, and you go out and try it, you start to get practice which gives you experience and evidence that you can do it. 

If you have self-confidence and it does not work, you still keep going because you continue to LEARN. 

This is where we get to step into the role of SCIENTIST.

To the scientist, failure and success are equally valuable. Failure does not mean anything about your capacity, father that the right action required to get the result hasnt yet been taken.

When you STRIVE, and feel through the emotions, you can reach a space of MATH vs drama.

You can try on the scientific method when asking yourself… hmm I did not get the expected responses from my email. What was my model when I created this email? How can I set up the experiment different next time and how will I interpret the results.

The scientist asks questions from neutrality. A scientist believes: this is all an experiment. It can be frustrating and fun at the same time. I am figuring this out, look at how amazing I am- showing up and tinkering with these variables. I know the next stage of the experiment is simply to develop a new skillset. Every challenges is just a matter of adjusting and evaluating.

Confidence vs arrogance

This does not mean you think you are BETTER, or invincible… it is I know it will feel uncomfortable AND I am willing to do it anyways because THIS is important. And that because of that power, you can proceed with curiosity. 

Experience does not give you self-confidence. Its not based on what you DO. you can believe in your capacity to do something, which gets you to take action which then builds evidence.

The first year I lived abroad, I failed a ton. I was late to dates, late to school, had to ask random people to help me communicate with taxi drivers who didnt speak English… And the interesting thing is… I remember choosing at the end of the day to believe: I am figuring it out. Instead of staying inside, I chose to practice the belief: I am learning how to navigate this city. Until eventually…. I did!

Think back to the big dream we mentioned in the beginning…. What emotion has kept you from taking action? Fear of judgement? Avoidance of rejection? Not wanting go feel vulnerable as you tell people of your decision? 

If you were WILLING to feel that, What would you do? If you believed… I can figure this out and I am willing to feel it on my way to being successful, then you would have self-confidence.

You don’t need to know how to do everything right now.

You don’t need to have all the A-Line answers. That knowledge is based on past experience. All you need to believe is that you will do it, no matter what because you are willing to feel anything and trust yourself to follow through, learning and having your back every step of the way.

I moved to China to start a new life. I felt terrified! There were so many things that my brain said—- heya thats a life threat over there. But I was willing to feel it. To let the vibrations wash over me and to not hide in my apartment.

You have practicum, where you will be evaluated for your coaching skill on the way to getting certified. You enter the coaching room feeling nervous, confident, excited and brave all at the same time.

You not pass the first round. And this is the key moment for you to embody self-confidence. 

Am I a coach who can feel all the feels here? Can I observe my thoughts, see the emotions they create and go through it? Can I STRIVE from a place of openness?

Can I put on my scientist coat to find the wisdom and feedback in my evaluation? How can I use this? How can I refine my self-evaluation process to implement and ultimately SUCCEED?

This massive action, directed from the SCIENTIST, committed to action and open to failure, ultimately leads to SUCCESS.

If you knew that would be a possibility, but you went into it believing that you were going to be OK…. would you do it?

Overview

So let’s summarize. When you STRIVE you commit to opening to the negative emotion that comes with growth. Self-confidence always comes first. We believe first and then create the evidence.

Scientist allows for you to You can make mistakes, but that does not matter when you have self-confidence… because again nothing outside of you can take away your willingness to feeling. You tinker till you reach 

SUCCESS. I did it. I accomplished it. I knew I could allong. Look at who I have become. My past self…. Is kind of a badass. I did it without knowing how, when or where. As Maria from the sound of music says: 

I have confidence in sunshine

I have confidence in rain

I have confidence that spring will come again

Besides, which you see

I have confidence i

Hello all! Intro: So nice to meet you, welcome to Coach Certification program. Today’s lesson is going to be amazing as we will be to talk about self-confidence. In my own coaching practice, I help type-a women use this unique skill to speak up and tell their husbands what they want. And in that, there are 3 key components to building self-confidence. They are: Striving, Scientist and Success… Its future focused. We fast forward to the place where we have done it, deciding that HEY this is my life, this is what I am going to do, and I will live from curiosity and building the staircase to success one step at a time. My future self as my northern star and constand guide, instea of living in the present and looking to the past (who we love and honor,( but looking to the wisdom of inevitability.

Its like Maria from The Sound of Music Said:

So let them bring on all their problems
I’ll do better than my best
I have confidence
They’ll put me to the test
But I’ll make them see
I have confidence in me

As we go along, I want you to ponder this question…What is a dream you have for your life you have not taken action on? And why?

  1. definition

At LCS, we define self confidence as the willingness to feel any emotion.

  1. Based on the belief you create in your mind

It does not mean you have the skillset or capability to do it NOW, it does not mean you can do it Olympic Gold-Status, it just means that you TRUST yourself that you will create the result you desire, because you are willing to feel fear, disappointment, rejection, NO matter what, you will follow through and that every time you fail, you will learn from the experience, and experience all the emotions that come along for the ride, knowing that you’ll be ok because you have your own back.

An example from my own life: A couple years ago, I decided that I wanted to pick up and move to Shanghai, China. I had adesire to live abroad, and the opportunity presented itself.I had NO idea what I was doing or how I would learn how to live in this new country. But I did have the belief: I have no idea what is going to happen but I am going to figure it out.

I did not have confidence because I had lived abroad before, I had self-confidence because I had the belief in my mind that I could and would figure it out.

Self-confidence is not based on what skill sets you currently have, what results you created in the past, or what other people tell you are good at. Self-confidence is based on what you believe about your capacity fail, learn and feel. 

When this is the case then you can go into creating this magnificent life you create by STRIVING, becoming the SCIENTIST or enjoying your SUCCESS.

You go after it, you strive.

When you fail you feel the feelings. And then you examine it through a scientists lens to learn what worked.

And you do that over and over again until you get the result you desire, when you reach SUCCESS. 

When you have self-confidence, you will be willing to feel….. If you do not go after what you desire, it gives the illusory sense of control from these feelings. But its not real. We STILL experience those negative emotions, they just come failure ahead of time.

Really,. Think about it If you knew your success was inevitable and were willing to feel any negative emotion, how much would your life expand?

What is the worst emotion you can imagine having to experience?

Being willing to open to this begins the process of STRIVING. Allowing yourself to dream, commit, think of the impossible and GO for it…

Now… what happens when we try something and we dont get the result we want? We feel….. Disappointment. Rejection. Humiliation, fear, frustration. And the possibility of us experiencing these emotions if we don’t have self-confidence is enough to make most of us not even try.

By avoiding these emotions, you won’t take action, and then wont develop the experience so won’t give yourself the practice to build the belief that you cannot do something. And then, it becomes this viscous cycle where you don’t try because you dont want to experience the negative emotion, then dont build the skill of failing and learning. You become stuck in what you can currently do, and won’t be able to build things beyond your current capacity.

Powerful thoughts to try on in the striving phase: This is going to be hard and its important to me… I am a resilient badass feelings feeler. I am going to lean into the whole journey. I am becoming even more of a powerhouse when I am faced with the opportunity to choose the turbulence or the easy way out. I love me, even when I feel bad…

If your big goal is to hit that 100k mark in your business, and you were willing to feel embarrassment in your business… how much would you tell your networks about becoming a life coach? If you were willing for people to tell you “hey we dont think being a life coach is a real job…” I had family members tell me that, then what would you give up? 

If you take action and fail, you will feel ….. But if you have self-confidence, its like YES I could feel fear but Im willing, bring it the heck on, it is just a vibration. And then… you will actually do the thing which makes you MUCH more likely to succeed b/c you’ll take the actions required to get the result. 

I did not speak Chinese. I had no idea what it was like to live in a huge city. Or even order food or pay for stuff with my phone, which is how they do it over there. If I would have decided to believe that it was too hard b/c I never did it before, I would have never even tried to live out that dream. The future-focused nature of self confidence means that it no longer matters if you have done something in the past, if you’ll fail, or if it will be hard. It means that your TRUST that you’ll get what you want is placed in YOU, which is so powerful. 

And when you have self-confidence because you believe you can do something, and you go out and try it, you start to get practice which gives you experience and evidence that you can do it. 

If you have self-confidence and it does not work, you still keep going because you continue to LEARN. 

This is where we get to step into the role of SCIENTIST.

To the scientist, failure and success are equally valuable. Failure does not mean anything about your capacity, father that the right action required to get the result hasnt yet been taken.

When you STRIVE, and feel through the emotions, you can reach a space of MATH vs drama.

You can try on the scientific method when asking yourself… hmm I did not get the expected responses from my email. What was my model when I created this email? How can I set up the experiment different next time and how will I interpret the results.

The scientist asks questions from neutrality. A scientist believes: this is all an experiment. It can be frustrating and fun at the same time. I am figuring this out, look at how amazing I am- showing up and tinkering with these variables. I know the next stage of the experiment is simply to develop a new skillset. Every challenges is just a matter of adjusting and evaluating.

Confidence vs arrogance

This does not mean you think you are BETTER, or invincible… it is I know it will feel uncomfortable AND I am willing to do it anyways because THIS is important. And that because of that power, you can proceed with curiosity. 

Experience does not give you self-confidence. Its not based on what you DO. you can believe in your capacity to do something, which gets you to take action which then builds evidence.

The first year I lived abroad, I failed a ton. I was late to dates, late to school, had to ask random people to help me communicate with taxi drivers who didnt speak English… And the interesting thing is… I remember choosing at the end of the day to believe: I am figuring it out. Instead of staying inside, I chose to practice the belief: I am learning how to navigate this city. Until eventually…. I did!

Think back to the big dream we mentioned in the beginning…. What emotion has kept you from taking action? Fear of judgement? Avoidance of rejection? Not wanting go feel vulnerable as you tell people of your decision? 

If you were WILLING to feel that, What would you do? If you believed… I can figure this out and I am willing to feel it on my way to being successful, then you would have self-confidence.

You don’t need to know how to do everything right now. That knowledge is based on past experience. All you need to believe is that you will do it, no matter what because you are willing to feel anything and trust yourself to follow through, learning and having your back every step of the way.

I moved to China to start a new life. I felt terrified! There were so many things that my brain said—- heya thats a life threat over there. But I was willing to feel it. To let the vibrations wash over me and to not hide in my apartment.

You have practicum, where you will be evaluated for your coaching skill on the way to getting certified. You enter the coaching room feeling nervous, confident, excited and brave all at the same time.

You not pass the first round. And this is the key moment for you to embody self-confidence. 

Am I a coach who can feel all the feels here? Can I observe my thoughts, see the emotions they create and go through it? Can I STRIVE from a place of openness?

Can I put on my scientist coat to find the wisdom and feedback in my evaluation? How can I use this? How can I refine my self-evaluation process to implement and ultimately SUCCEED?

This massive action, directed from the SCIENTIST, committed to action and open to failure, ultimately leads to SUCCESS.

If you knew that would be a possibility, but you went into it believing that you were going to be OK…. would you do it?

Overview

So let’s summarize. When you STRIVE you commit to opening to the negative emotion that comes with growth. Self-confidence always comes first. We believe first and then create the evidence.

Scientist allows for you to You can make mistakes, but that does not matter when you have self-confidence… because again nothing outside of you can take away your willingness to feeling. You tinker till you reach 

SUCCESS. I did it. I accomplished it. I knew I could allong. Look at who I have become. My past self…. Is kind of a badass. I did it without knowing how, when or where. As Maria from the sound of music says: 

I have confidence in sunshine

I have confidence in rain

I have confidence that spring will come again

Besides, which you see

I have confidence in me

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